In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
