The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
