We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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