I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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