just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
