he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
