please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
