hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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