Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
