He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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