My nipple is on Facebook.
false alarm. still invincible.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
