Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize