he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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