I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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