Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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