Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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