Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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