Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
