dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Let's paint friendship bongs
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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