weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
