I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
