THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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