FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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