I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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