In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i came on her dog
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
