I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
