For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just found puke in my bra..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
