I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
