they need to just BURY HIM!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
