U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
