i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
