Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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