The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
