guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
