I think I am morally bankrupt
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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