I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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