my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
