do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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