It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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