I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
