I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
