I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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