I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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