I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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