ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
