Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize