Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize