So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you win again, gameday.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
