You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
