nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize