Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
