i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your penis caused this!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
