i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
