how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
