I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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