Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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