don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
