im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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