Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
