he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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