no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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