How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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