I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
